So far so diao
Today was my Bro's B'Day, happy birthday kiddo!
BUT it was also a day my parents got into one of their stupid arguments over some small matter that they blow up and affect the whole family. =.=
So as usual, me and my bro have to act as the mediator. fine more of me. my bro is just my emotional support. after all he's kinda autistic so.... yea
Basically we had a very screwed up b day celebration lunch. it was too early in the mornin for such shit to me... and the whole atmosphere juz sucked. my bro being who he is, just enjoyed his food and i juz did my usual thing and acted happy... yeah right. look at the photos my parents insisted on taking and my eyes give me away. ever seen happy cum pissed? yea that was it all right...
Geez, if only i could be my bro. innocent and carefree. Ah to be free from worries and just be himself. No facades or acts from him which is how i sometimes wish i could be...
After all my life till now can hardly be considered normal. Being somewhat mature for my age when young meant that even my parents used me to let go of their emotions, even now they still do. My dad when to work overseas, so for a few years i was kinda the man of the house. So at all times i had to keep up this "yea i'm great" show so i don't add on to their worries. Being able to read people naturally doesn't help too. throw in the fact that while i'm no only child, after all, my bro is more like my child! and i kinda see why i never really know who i am and am always guarded about my feelings!
After all, in such a situation, what can you do? If you let it out, people worry for you. And gawd knows they also have enough on their plates. Pride and independence also makes it harder to allow people in anyway. Yet besides dealing with all my problems myself, i also gotta deal with other people's problems!
Haix, maybe i should juz stop acting so strong and just be one of them normal guys who whine and generally spoil the mood. After all doing this just means that sooner or later i'll burst... again and its never pretty. Like a solid hour hammering the ball against the wall till my leg bled and i continued anyway...
No man is an island, but sometimes don't you feel like one?
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