No matter how much I try to convince myself, occupy my time, with the right stimulus... It comes back again...
And the fact my record of consecutive matches has been broken doesn't help! ( juz gotta put that in here)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Dissatisfaction
Ah long journeys and ample free time, they just tend to make you sit back and reflect don't they?
what have i really done this year?
And to be honest? Nothing of note, nothing to really shout about.
NS life now is just sooo blank! Being diagnosed with a double stress fracture will be manna from heaven for some. I tried to console myself with that thought, but just watching people take IPPT and only 1 , yes 1, guy getting silver makes me just wish i could have at least attemped it. Heck, i would give myself a 30% chance to have boosted that tally by 100%! ;) Instead, i had to be content with helping out at a checkpoint and see most people strolling around on the 2.4km run. =.= Ironic that i aggravated this apparently old injury training for IPPT, only to be denied even a shot at it! ARRGGHHH!!!
Visiting the physio and hearing her explain what the X ray meant was kinda scary. My bones were mainly of the soft variety. NOT GOOD. After all, that is how the site of the fracture is. So, in another way, my whole shin is like one big stress injury. Eesh! Looks like i'm gonna have to downpes, which leaves me with boring clerical work, which incidentally involves working with the chao gengs. Not my cup of tea... Ah wells, my health has to come first, especially if i wanna play soccer. Just let me finish my course first, I ain't gonna OOC from this one! And i haven't even mentioned how the therapy has left me feeling pain for 2 days now. And i haven't even done any at home!
And i realise I have been more emo these days too. Sometimes withdrawing into myself. Living in the moment and seemingly dying when there is a lack of stuff to do. Geez... I'm still doing the same stuff, pulling pranks, being mischiebous and all, but it feels just insufficient somehow!
Maybe I'm just lacking something in my life.
what have i really done this year?
And to be honest? Nothing of note, nothing to really shout about.
NS life now is just sooo blank! Being diagnosed with a double stress fracture will be manna from heaven for some. I tried to console myself with that thought, but just watching people take IPPT and only 1 , yes 1, guy getting silver makes me just wish i could have at least attemped it. Heck, i would give myself a 30% chance to have boosted that tally by 100%! ;) Instead, i had to be content with helping out at a checkpoint and see most people strolling around on the 2.4km run. =.= Ironic that i aggravated this apparently old injury training for IPPT, only to be denied even a shot at it! ARRGGHHH!!!
Visiting the physio and hearing her explain what the X ray meant was kinda scary. My bones were mainly of the soft variety. NOT GOOD. After all, that is how the site of the fracture is. So, in another way, my whole shin is like one big stress injury. Eesh! Looks like i'm gonna have to downpes, which leaves me with boring clerical work, which incidentally involves working with the chao gengs. Not my cup of tea... Ah wells, my health has to come first, especially if i wanna play soccer. Just let me finish my course first, I ain't gonna OOC from this one! And i haven't even mentioned how the therapy has left me feeling pain for 2 days now. And i haven't even done any at home!
And i realise I have been more emo these days too. Sometimes withdrawing into myself. Living in the moment and seemingly dying when there is a lack of stuff to do. Geez... I'm still doing the same stuff, pulling pranks, being mischiebous and all, but it feels just insufficient somehow!
Maybe I'm just lacking something in my life.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
What are we really here for?
Here i am at the polyclinic again. Exactly one week after my accidental discovery of those stress fractures... This time just for a puny headache and dizziness that i normally would just shrug off and not allow to interfere with proceeding on with the days activities... But i guess times change and people change huh. I would label thos as chao keng in the past. Now? I kinda don't care so much anymore.
I keep telling myself not to get worked up over unfairness or stupidity that I will inevitably encounter in daily life. especially NS. Yet... it seems doing so has only made me apathetic at times or over-reactive! I guess now is an apathetic moment. I just can't be bothered to report to camp at an ungodly hour just to do absolutely nothing, spending 4 bucks just on transport alone...
Lately this has been happening a lot too! I guess that's why people fear having too much free time. your mind wanders and you end up thinking too much and overanalysing stuff. being tge random guy I am I guess I'm presently dealing with it by reporting sick at the polyclinic and finding out solutions for my minor problems. I guess the somewhat peaceful solitude I get here helps too!
I just can't pit a finger on the origin of all this angst. after all I finally have a group of friends who are living in the same vicinity and hence travelling is no longer the lonely business it once was!I have even more football kakis than before. the people around are of the relaxed and fun variety. help my injury has been with me for so long I'm not even affected by it in any significant way despite its supposed serousness. So what is it that is bothering me?
Maybe its really just me? Perhaps I demand more of myself. perhaps seeing most of my friends in more army like vocations, or rising up the ranks, going through tough but cool courses I wanted to go through but never got a chance to has left me questioning myself in ways I rarely or never did before! is it really the excuse loud noise that held me back or izzit just me? is it possible that my friends were just being nice by expressing their surprise at my exclusion from such courses? Maybe I am not as good as I make myself out to be! Yet in the back of my mind, I know self doubt does nowt, so I stop myself, but then I begin again. I guess I live not so much for the moment, but only in the moment, and just exist in the meantime. doing nothing of note or importance, whileing time away, secretly fearing and hating all the nothingness.
Restlessness
Thine enemy art thou
yet in weakness
made shalt be vows
to put such moments behind bars
and be bothered by this no more.
I keep telling myself not to get worked up over unfairness or stupidity that I will inevitably encounter in daily life. especially NS. Yet... it seems doing so has only made me apathetic at times or over-reactive! I guess now is an apathetic moment. I just can't be bothered to report to camp at an ungodly hour just to do absolutely nothing, spending 4 bucks just on transport alone...
Lately this has been happening a lot too! I guess that's why people fear having too much free time. your mind wanders and you end up thinking too much and overanalysing stuff. being tge random guy I am I guess I'm presently dealing with it by reporting sick at the polyclinic and finding out solutions for my minor problems. I guess the somewhat peaceful solitude I get here helps too!
I just can't pit a finger on the origin of all this angst. after all I finally have a group of friends who are living in the same vicinity and hence travelling is no longer the lonely business it once was!I have even more football kakis than before. the people around are of the relaxed and fun variety. help my injury has been with me for so long I'm not even affected by it in any significant way despite its supposed serousness. So what is it that is bothering me?
Maybe its really just me? Perhaps I demand more of myself. perhaps seeing most of my friends in more army like vocations, or rising up the ranks, going through tough but cool courses I wanted to go through but never got a chance to has left me questioning myself in ways I rarely or never did before! is it really the excuse loud noise that held me back or izzit just me? is it possible that my friends were just being nice by expressing their surprise at my exclusion from such courses? Maybe I am not as good as I make myself out to be! Yet in the back of my mind, I know self doubt does nowt, so I stop myself, but then I begin again. I guess I live not so much for the moment, but only in the moment, and just exist in the meantime. doing nothing of note or importance, whileing time away, secretly fearing and hating all the nothingness.
Restlessness
Thine enemy art thou
yet in weakness
made shalt be vows
to put such moments behind bars
and be bothered by this no more.
Friday, October 8, 2010
EXCUUUSE ME!!!
Hmm isn't it ironic? I look at people with a whole bunch of excuses and label them chao keng if they look fine and do not look in any particular discomfort. Now... I am among these people! Excused a whole load of stuff for 3months due to bi tibial fractures
Going to the polyclinic yesterday to get pimple cream( another story) and a referral to see a specialist for my chronic shin pain, I was stunned by the doctor's enthusiasm to send me for a specialist! oh big pimple? wanna see skin centre? 0.o obviously I gave her the eyebrow and said no.... then I asked about my ankle( not a typo) and she was like ok go cgh sports medicine. Bingo! finally a referral, especially since I wanted it looked into since jc but waited till army cos it was free! ( haha just getting my gst back :P)
So off I went to the friendly Chinese-eurasian looking Malay physiologist. he did some physical examinations then asked me to go for an x ray for my shin. ( To cut a long story short, I had somehow managed to ask about my shin and stuff after his initial queries bout my ankle :P)
Post x ray, he showed me the digital copy( wow I din know they now did that! ), which revealed that both shine had stress fractures! like wth right? start with ankle, incidentally fine), end up realising I have been living with shin fractures for some time! urgh... No wonder I felt pain after every run!
So now I have become a member of the chao keng brigade I guess. heck I can be a senior member! excuse lower limb, running, marching, jumping, heavy load, prolonged standing, sentry duty ( YAY!!! ), and IPPT ( NOOOO, MY $100!!!!) Oh ya not to mention that stupid excuse loud noise environment,explosives , and er something else... But this comes with a real heavy price besides that $100, I'm not supposed to play soccer, badminton or even jog for 3 months! 0.o
Irony? Hell yeah.
Going to the polyclinic yesterday to get pimple cream( another story) and a referral to see a specialist for my chronic shin pain, I was stunned by the doctor's enthusiasm to send me for a specialist! oh big pimple? wanna see skin centre? 0.o obviously I gave her the eyebrow and said no.... then I asked about my ankle( not a typo) and she was like ok go cgh sports medicine. Bingo! finally a referral, especially since I wanted it looked into since jc but waited till army cos it was free! ( haha just getting my gst back :P)
So off I went to the friendly Chinese-eurasian looking Malay physiologist. he did some physical examinations then asked me to go for an x ray for my shin. ( To cut a long story short, I had somehow managed to ask about my shin and stuff after his initial queries bout my ankle :P)
Post x ray, he showed me the digital copy( wow I din know they now did that! ), which revealed that both shine had stress fractures! like wth right? start with ankle, incidentally fine), end up realising I have been living with shin fractures for some time! urgh... No wonder I felt pain after every run!
So now I have become a member of the chao keng brigade I guess. heck I can be a senior member! excuse lower limb, running, marching, jumping, heavy load, prolonged standing, sentry duty ( YAY!!! ), and IPPT ( NOOOO, MY $100!!!!) Oh ya not to mention that stupid excuse loud noise environment,explosives , and er something else... But this comes with a real heavy price besides that $100, I'm not supposed to play soccer, badminton or even jog for 3 months! 0.o
Irony? Hell yeah.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The screwed up day today was
So far so diao
Today was my Bro's B'Day, happy birthday kiddo!
BUT it was also a day my parents got into one of their stupid arguments over some small matter that they blow up and affect the whole family. =.=
So as usual, me and my bro have to act as the mediator. fine more of me. my bro is just my emotional support. after all he's kinda autistic so.... yea
Basically we had a very screwed up b day celebration lunch. it was too early in the mornin for such shit to me... and the whole atmosphere juz sucked. my bro being who he is, just enjoyed his food and i juz did my usual thing and acted happy... yeah right. look at the photos my parents insisted on taking and my eyes give me away. ever seen happy cum pissed? yea that was it all right...
Geez, if only i could be my bro. innocent and carefree. Ah to be free from worries and just be himself. No facades or acts from him which is how i sometimes wish i could be...
After all my life till now can hardly be considered normal. Being somewhat mature for my age when young meant that even my parents used me to let go of their emotions, even now they still do. My dad when to work overseas, so for a few years i was kinda the man of the house. So at all times i had to keep up this "yea i'm great" show so i don't add on to their worries. Being able to read people naturally doesn't help too. throw in the fact that while i'm no only child, after all, my bro is more like my child! and i kinda see why i never really know who i am and am always guarded about my feelings!
After all, in such a situation, what can you do? If you let it out, people worry for you. And gawd knows they also have enough on their plates. Pride and independence also makes it harder to allow people in anyway. Yet besides dealing with all my problems myself, i also gotta deal with other people's problems!
Haix, maybe i should juz stop acting so strong and just be one of them normal guys who whine and generally spoil the mood. After all doing this just means that sooner or later i'll burst... again and its never pretty. Like a solid hour hammering the ball against the wall till my leg bled and i continued anyway...
No man is an island, but sometimes don't you feel like one?
Today was my Bro's B'Day, happy birthday kiddo!
BUT it was also a day my parents got into one of their stupid arguments over some small matter that they blow up and affect the whole family. =.=
So as usual, me and my bro have to act as the mediator. fine more of me. my bro is just my emotional support. after all he's kinda autistic so.... yea
Basically we had a very screwed up b day celebration lunch. it was too early in the mornin for such shit to me... and the whole atmosphere juz sucked. my bro being who he is, just enjoyed his food and i juz did my usual thing and acted happy... yeah right. look at the photos my parents insisted on taking and my eyes give me away. ever seen happy cum pissed? yea that was it all right...
Geez, if only i could be my bro. innocent and carefree. Ah to be free from worries and just be himself. No facades or acts from him which is how i sometimes wish i could be...
After all my life till now can hardly be considered normal. Being somewhat mature for my age when young meant that even my parents used me to let go of their emotions, even now they still do. My dad when to work overseas, so for a few years i was kinda the man of the house. So at all times i had to keep up this "yea i'm great" show so i don't add on to their worries. Being able to read people naturally doesn't help too. throw in the fact that while i'm no only child, after all, my bro is more like my child! and i kinda see why i never really know who i am and am always guarded about my feelings!
After all, in such a situation, what can you do? If you let it out, people worry for you. And gawd knows they also have enough on their plates. Pride and independence also makes it harder to allow people in anyway. Yet besides dealing with all my problems myself, i also gotta deal with other people's problems!
Haix, maybe i should juz stop acting so strong and just be one of them normal guys who whine and generally spoil the mood. After all doing this just means that sooner or later i'll burst... again and its never pretty. Like a solid hour hammering the ball against the wall till my leg bled and i continued anyway...
No man is an island, but sometimes don't you feel like one?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Who am I?
around different people, you behave differently
that is common and not much to worry
yet the difference is sometimes kinda scary
especially when you think through it deeply
and start to wonder who are we ...really?
is it a facade? is it a show? do we even have multiple personalities?
will we forget who we really are? or is that what we actually are?
from introvert to extrovert; from leader to follower; from talker to listener... the list goes on...
is there really such a thing as finding yourself? or is it just maintaining the side of yourself that is most socially acceptable or perhaps the one you are most comfortable with or proud of?
that is common and not much to worry
yet the difference is sometimes kinda scary
especially when you think through it deeply
and start to wonder who are we ...really?
is it a facade? is it a show? do we even have multiple personalities?
will we forget who we really are? or is that what we actually are?
from introvert to extrovert; from leader to follower; from talker to listener... the list goes on...
is there really such a thing as finding yourself? or is it just maintaining the side of yourself that is most socially acceptable or perhaps the one you are most comfortable with or proud of?
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Times in army so far
BMT:
The most fun and interesting part of army so far! For a person who lives for the moment, this was just brill. shooting, grenades, route marches( ok i hated it, but the chance to do random mods to songs is juz shiok!), stupid stuff you do in bunk. ahhhhhh... not to mention the only real physical training i had in the whole army so far! 0.o pull-ups reached 15 with more possible if the PTI hadn't stopped me during final IPPT T.T
Leopard FTW!!! turn check bang check left right left bang LEPAK!!!!
Boosted my belief in myself to no end i guess. realised that i could do most stuff A ok :)
posted to 3 TPT BN as a driver. real disappointment when i see some of those who make it to sispec... but i guess excuse loud noise meant it was a miracle i'm pes b and could check out the real BMT so still nt bad overall. heck i was not even allowed to shoot or throw grenades so thanks SGT jumali and Warrant thong for letting me do these!
Driving course:
a real mixed bag. tortorous book outs on late sat afternoons resulting in less than 24hr book outs >.< first time driving a vehicle. drove a truck for probably the only time in my life. made friends from all sorts of backgrounds instead of the normal so called educated people. heck these were the most random guys man! but failed driving test a whopping 8 times.
1: on the way back then...missed a van during my turn and stopped a bit late
2: squeezed in and was so pissed by that darn tester i beat a red light to freak him out further
3:All the way swee, then i kept left so no reason and obstructed traffic to go back on the right lane
4: uneventful
5: squeezed in again! complimented on my driving ( best of the day but too confident =.=) but still...
6: random tekan
7: forgot to on the headlights =.= karma and real retarded moment
8: bastard tester juz wanted to fail me insisting i had almost clipped a car at least 3 m behind me...
Fitness drastically dropped and had a freaky encounter while running at night with those LARC V guys... brrr
OOC:
Attached to HQ just confirmed to me clerk life is not for me. I live for the moment! So Slacking is good but not in such mad doses. OOCing just as the world cup KO stages started was good. My first proper world cup! :) Attached as RSM PA gave me an insight into how army works. Not too impressed though to tell the truth. A relative military noob with no training asked to create restricted documents and RAC forms for YOG?!?! An honour i guess, but still kinda weird. esp as the only reason i was chosen? GP got A 0.o
Realised that i could be pretty capable and able to handle these superiors. so boosted my self confidence a fair bit.
YOG:
PVS OPS EXCECUTIVE. muah haha. erm but i juz sit in the carpark and report to OPS room about vehicles exiting... quite a cool moment i guess. the first YOG and i'm involved! now how many can say that? civi life too! way to burn part of my 1yr 10 months in army ;) reunited with those LARC V guys again :)
Exit dudes: Joshua, Jackson, Brandon, Tuck Wai, Calvin, Trevor.
Haha one heck of a moment was tricking James into staying in his position by imitating OPS RM. EPIC!!!! haha pairing 2 random fools like me and joshua will give you that ;)
Visting the istana and walking around inside was cool too. though the actual building is still a mystery.
Tempered near the end by my sudden revocation and an incident involving a missing phone...
And showed my flair for getting free stuff. YOG umbrella anyone? ;) and bryan took one of my umbrellas too or i would have had 2!
Learned to control people and stand my ground.
Celebration was kinda cool. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FTW!!! Don't understand why so many didn't wanna go. but still Laffy, Joshua, Xian Fong( new sec comm and ex leopard same platoon o.0) and YY meant i was able to go pure crazy AKA pure me ;) Nice ending to my time with these guys i guess. All the best guys! Wish Wee Min AKA Michael could have made it tho. he woulda loved it...
OETI:
Ok only a short while there but already made some brill friends! haha so long since i had friends same year as me living in the same area. weird huh... haha seeing another side of army with the uber excuses: excuse sunlight anyone? or how about MCs for various reasons over 2 weeks? how a bout 4 specialist appointments in 1 day for 1 ankle that is more or less ok? unbullievahble!
And finally had physical training! Pull up count? Cui! like only 5 plus a bit now? learning to maintain vehicles i used to drive is a real irony too!
shall edit as things change
The most fun and interesting part of army so far! For a person who lives for the moment, this was just brill. shooting, grenades, route marches( ok i hated it, but the chance to do random mods to songs is juz shiok!), stupid stuff you do in bunk. ahhhhhh... not to mention the only real physical training i had in the whole army so far! 0.o pull-ups reached 15 with more possible if the PTI hadn't stopped me during final IPPT T.T
Leopard FTW!!! turn check bang check left right left bang LEPAK!!!!
Boosted my belief in myself to no end i guess. realised that i could do most stuff A ok :)
posted to 3 TPT BN as a driver. real disappointment when i see some of those who make it to sispec... but i guess excuse loud noise meant it was a miracle i'm pes b and could check out the real BMT so still nt bad overall. heck i was not even allowed to shoot or throw grenades so thanks SGT jumali and Warrant thong for letting me do these!
Driving course:
a real mixed bag. tortorous book outs on late sat afternoons resulting in less than 24hr book outs >.< first time driving a vehicle. drove a truck for probably the only time in my life. made friends from all sorts of backgrounds instead of the normal so called educated people. heck these were the most random guys man! but failed driving test a whopping 8 times.
1: on the way back then...missed a van during my turn and stopped a bit late
2: squeezed in and was so pissed by that darn tester i beat a red light to freak him out further
3:All the way swee, then i kept left so no reason and obstructed traffic to go back on the right lane
4: uneventful
5: squeezed in again! complimented on my driving ( best of the day but too confident =.=) but still...
6: random tekan
7: forgot to on the headlights =.= karma and real retarded moment
8: bastard tester juz wanted to fail me insisting i had almost clipped a car at least 3 m behind me...
Fitness drastically dropped and had a freaky encounter while running at night with those LARC V guys... brrr
OOC:
Attached to HQ just confirmed to me clerk life is not for me. I live for the moment! So Slacking is good but not in such mad doses. OOCing just as the world cup KO stages started was good. My first proper world cup! :) Attached as RSM PA gave me an insight into how army works. Not too impressed though to tell the truth. A relative military noob with no training asked to create restricted documents and RAC forms for YOG?!?! An honour i guess, but still kinda weird. esp as the only reason i was chosen? GP got A 0.o
Realised that i could be pretty capable and able to handle these superiors. so boosted my self confidence a fair bit.
YOG:
PVS OPS EXCECUTIVE. muah haha. erm but i juz sit in the carpark and report to OPS room about vehicles exiting... quite a cool moment i guess. the first YOG and i'm involved! now how many can say that? civi life too! way to burn part of my 1yr 10 months in army ;) reunited with those LARC V guys again :)
Exit dudes: Joshua, Jackson, Brandon, Tuck Wai, Calvin, Trevor.
Haha one heck of a moment was tricking James into staying in his position by imitating OPS RM. EPIC!!!! haha pairing 2 random fools like me and joshua will give you that ;)
Visting the istana and walking around inside was cool too. though the actual building is still a mystery.
Tempered near the end by my sudden revocation and an incident involving a missing phone...
And showed my flair for getting free stuff. YOG umbrella anyone? ;) and bryan took one of my umbrellas too or i would have had 2!
Learned to control people and stand my ground.
Celebration was kinda cool. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FTW!!! Don't understand why so many didn't wanna go. but still Laffy, Joshua, Xian Fong( new sec comm and ex leopard same platoon o.0) and YY meant i was able to go pure crazy AKA pure me ;) Nice ending to my time with these guys i guess. All the best guys! Wish Wee Min AKA Michael could have made it tho. he woulda loved it...
OETI:
Ok only a short while there but already made some brill friends! haha so long since i had friends same year as me living in the same area. weird huh... haha seeing another side of army with the uber excuses: excuse sunlight anyone? or how about MCs for various reasons over 2 weeks? how a bout 4 specialist appointments in 1 day for 1 ankle that is more or less ok? unbullievahble!
And finally had physical training! Pull up count? Cui! like only 5 plus a bit now? learning to maintain vehicles i used to drive is a real irony too!
shall edit as things change
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Stuff I realised that i didn't know
I always saw myself as a sui bian kinda guy. After all, i normally let others decide where to eat, what to do and stuff. But during one of my conversations with Brandon, he commented that i am actually a bloody opinionated guy with rather fixed viewpoints that are not easily noticed! And on reflection i guess this is true too. I have rarely if ever agreed to do stuff which go against my principles(which are getting to be a bit too much). Heck, i normally will do what i wanna do whether you like it or not! And in discussions with people, you do have to be someone who is very convincing or someone i really trust to ever change my opinion on things. Heck, even after 2 whole hours telling me the roles and difficulties faced by SGTS and LTs (yea right), i still maintained and in fact reinforced my view that it wasn't that much of a big deal. After all i come from a UG, that was much tougher than this army nonsense even though it was ONLY red cross! lol, i kinda people who wanna make me change my views sometimes. they put so much effort in, then... i say another opposing statement! The looks on their faces can be so priceless too! :P that uber du lan face when they realise they failed! especially if they had a smug face just momemnts earlier when i nod my head in mock agreement! lol sometimes i just act like i agree to save both our times, then do what i wanna later.
then again, i must say that i am a bit too easy to influence from my close friends. i mean taking history in sec school cos my cousin took it, supporting united cos he does so. taking econs cos most of my friends were. hell! i mean even psychology is due to a conversation with YJ where he preached to me ( successfully) how it will be more useful esp as the world is so stressful nowadays!
Another weird thing i notice, i am a bit too ready to help my friends even if it means giving up something for myself... its a good trait i guess, after all most of my good friends have this! but i gotta stop doing this for ALL friends. after all, not everyone is selfless even to friends. Kinda explains why i hate army so much i guess. This " care for soldiers" is totally bull st*&. I have seen so many of my friends suffer unnecessarily. those who make it are those who wayang and care only for themselves. Coming from a ug where we do not leave any man behind is a mantra to us, this is disappointing TTM.
I am a sucker for fairness, at all costs sometimes =/ I kinda get pissed unnecessarily when certain things happen even if its to ppl i don't even know! like juz frens of friends or smthing like that. another thing that ns made me realise.
I also keep my true feelings hidden too much. i may be moping or feeling really down. But i always put on this happy or brave face. for what? i don't know! partly cuz i'm a guy and guys have to be.... yeah u know lah ;) and i hate my friends to worry bout me. A moment that sticks in my mind is when i just failed driving and OOCed. most were stunned at how happy i was. heck ,i was dying inside lah. Only the IC ( Cpl Sim) saw that i was actually damn sad and talked to me and helped me to release some emotions. Maybe cos i am the older bro and the only guy at home for a few years when my dad worked overeas? But i tend to put on this bold front so people don't have to worry bout me...
Which also means when i cannot take it, i gets kinda ugly. Kicking a ball so hard, repeatedly, that my toes bled; not being able to sleep for a few days in a row. my old methods i guess. thank god for rediscovering poems or rhymes to be more accurate. no wonder artists are so emo. your best works really come when you release your emotions in the form of words or art!
I also seem to be an agony aunt for my close friends. People normally approach me for advice! i dunno why too! heck i have gotten people askin me stuff relating to relationships when i've been a single guy all my life! ( proud of it, yet wouldn't mind a change :P) family issues, studies... haha maybe cos i'm a good listener? spending a few hours listening and only uttering a few words are real common for me sometimes lol. But its kinda good too, knowing that they feel better after it. though the fact i get pissed off at unfairness and stuff mean that i kinda become a container for their grievances that gets filled up but rarely empties!
I guess i'm one of those poeple who does not do large groups. I mean, looking back , most of my gatherings consist of around 3-6 people? any larger, and i normally talk less, listen more. but in these small groups i suddenly speak a lot more, can crack those lame jokes and do all those impersonations even in public! or to be more accurate, be myself. hmm still ,i gotta improve and learn to be more... myself? in larger groups.
I am also much more confident about myself than in the past. haha those years in a boys school was great, but that coupled with the fact that all bar 1 of my cousins are male meant that i was far too nervous around girls in JC. In fact its kinda easy to spot the boys school guy lol. he's either spending too much time with girls, or too nervous and weird around them. Thankfully i think i've gotten over this nonsense now. organising people and stuff are also much easier now than in the past where i just wanted to hide one corner! ironic that i can credit NS a bit for this. After all, i see the people who get in sispec, KNOW i'm much better than most of them, and kinda determined to prove myself.
I also have weird ways to be motivated. My strongest motivators are to beat someone i can't stand or someone i respect a lot! Esp true in VS. my poor PSLE grades and the incopetency demonstrated by some who scored better made me super determined to pwn em in O's. and i got 6 points. Same rule when running 2.4km or cross country. only if someone i can't stand passes me, then i suddenly have reserves of energy just to beat them. weird i say
one last thing, i'm really lazay, so though i still got more, i shall stop now.
Kinda crazy how all that free time in NS allows you to reflect and realise how much you have changed and have become form what you thought you were.
then again, i must say that i am a bit too easy to influence from my close friends. i mean taking history in sec school cos my cousin took it, supporting united cos he does so. taking econs cos most of my friends were. hell! i mean even psychology is due to a conversation with YJ where he preached to me ( successfully) how it will be more useful esp as the world is so stressful nowadays!
Another weird thing i notice, i am a bit too ready to help my friends even if it means giving up something for myself... its a good trait i guess, after all most of my good friends have this! but i gotta stop doing this for ALL friends. after all, not everyone is selfless even to friends. Kinda explains why i hate army so much i guess. This " care for soldiers" is totally bull st*&. I have seen so many of my friends suffer unnecessarily. those who make it are those who wayang and care only for themselves. Coming from a ug where we do not leave any man behind is a mantra to us, this is disappointing TTM.
I am a sucker for fairness, at all costs sometimes =/ I kinda get pissed unnecessarily when certain things happen even if its to ppl i don't even know! like juz frens of friends or smthing like that. another thing that ns made me realise.
I also keep my true feelings hidden too much. i may be moping or feeling really down. But i always put on this happy or brave face. for what? i don't know! partly cuz i'm a guy and guys have to be.... yeah u know lah ;) and i hate my friends to worry bout me. A moment that sticks in my mind is when i just failed driving and OOCed. most were stunned at how happy i was. heck ,i was dying inside lah. Only the IC ( Cpl Sim) saw that i was actually damn sad and talked to me and helped me to release some emotions. Maybe cos i am the older bro and the only guy at home for a few years when my dad worked overeas? But i tend to put on this bold front so people don't have to worry bout me...
Which also means when i cannot take it, i gets kinda ugly. Kicking a ball so hard, repeatedly, that my toes bled; not being able to sleep for a few days in a row. my old methods i guess. thank god for rediscovering poems or rhymes to be more accurate. no wonder artists are so emo. your best works really come when you release your emotions in the form of words or art!
I also seem to be an agony aunt for my close friends. People normally approach me for advice! i dunno why too! heck i have gotten people askin me stuff relating to relationships when i've been a single guy all my life! ( proud of it, yet wouldn't mind a change :P) family issues, studies... haha maybe cos i'm a good listener? spending a few hours listening and only uttering a few words are real common for me sometimes lol. But its kinda good too, knowing that they feel better after it. though the fact i get pissed off at unfairness and stuff mean that i kinda become a container for their grievances that gets filled up but rarely empties!
I guess i'm one of those poeple who does not do large groups. I mean, looking back , most of my gatherings consist of around 3-6 people? any larger, and i normally talk less, listen more. but in these small groups i suddenly speak a lot more, can crack those lame jokes and do all those impersonations even in public! or to be more accurate, be myself. hmm still ,i gotta improve and learn to be more... myself? in larger groups.
I am also much more confident about myself than in the past. haha those years in a boys school was great, but that coupled with the fact that all bar 1 of my cousins are male meant that i was far too nervous around girls in JC. In fact its kinda easy to spot the boys school guy lol. he's either spending too much time with girls, or too nervous and weird around them. Thankfully i think i've gotten over this nonsense now. organising people and stuff are also much easier now than in the past where i just wanted to hide one corner! ironic that i can credit NS a bit for this. After all, i see the people who get in sispec, KNOW i'm much better than most of them, and kinda determined to prove myself.
I also have weird ways to be motivated. My strongest motivators are to beat someone i can't stand or someone i respect a lot! Esp true in VS. my poor PSLE grades and the incopetency demonstrated by some who scored better made me super determined to pwn em in O's. and i got 6 points. Same rule when running 2.4km or cross country. only if someone i can't stand passes me, then i suddenly have reserves of energy just to beat them. weird i say
one last thing, i'm really lazay, so though i still got more, i shall stop now.
Kinda crazy how all that free time in NS allows you to reflect and realise how much you have changed and have become form what you thought you were.
Friday, August 27, 2010
My darkest day
I've been so down,
I've never had such a frown
It is my last day in this town
Yet i see us being ordered around by a bloody clown
I'll miss these guys
These lovers( and haters) of oily fries
Whose tests required so many tries
Cos of you i'm trying not to cry
A new chapter in Army
The organistion manned by Jabroni
Its 2 years too many
That i'm sure you'll all agree
To think that i left gaily
despite the turmoil emotionally
A brave face externally
While i was dying internally
Those photos i took the last two days
I'll cherish forever and always
The times we spent like gays
To you i'll raise a glass of Chardonnay
Juz crazy how this darn thing actually calmed me down more than mindless kicking of walls or screaming did. thanks to a someone, ok actually someone-sssss for helping me rediscover my old hobby of rhyming stuff and hence allow me to release my emotions that i otherwise keep inside and allow to keep eating at myself, till i explode when a big trigger occurs!
Geez i mean, how can a superior hence forth known as Inferior(inf) demand that we return back just because he lost his phone that was indented for him? His problem became our problem juz like that. what's worse is that most of us had just got home or were planning to go out... talk about inconsiderate egoistic Bas^&**. Better still, scolding us to find it instead of staying in the ops room when most of us were already damn pissed. Hello, just because we are forced to serve army for 2 years doesn't mean we are dogs to be ordered around like &^^(ing free labour. Pls slaves get more dignity and respect...
In fact, it is pretty visible how nonsensical this situation is. on the day of my revoc, Inf saw me, ignored me and told someone else to inform me about my revoc, All in front of me! WTF man. so juz cos i'm gonna be leaving means i'm insignificant and not deserving of respect? NVM, maybe it was a bad day due to certain stuff occuring. Fine, i'm training my tolerance.
BUT, on my last day, asking Inf for his signature so i could officially leave the unit, he looked at me like i was a retard and said: you dunno ah, this thing is everone sign le, then you ask me sign one. Got procedure, you dunno ah? Geez, i'm sure i'm an expert on such matters you SOAB. i don't expect any sympathy or even a handshake or a good luck. juz sign it and go. NO! WTF man. In comparison, the other people who needed to authorise it gave no such airs and were at least concerned as to why i'm revocating.
To think Inf gave such a nice impression of himself during my time at HQ. I could see the arrogance though, but i juz shrugged it off. such as when he looked incredulously at me when i claomed i had no laptop or external hard disk. Oh so, everyone is supposed to ahve such stuff in this day and age? well FU understand. You army ppl are SO darn out of touch with the world its pathetic. Honestly, if a real war came? Good luck guys, i'll rather fight alongside a dog. At least it'll be loyal.
Which brings me to the next point, 2 things that i really learned from army?
Do wahtever you want, juz dun get caught. AND
Cover your ass, no matter who you implicate.
Haix, not exactly good things are they?
In reflection though, these were my thoughts when i only had 2 hours of sleep in2 days and was darn emo bout leaving these friends i have made. then agin, the lack of sleep meant i may not be thinking straight, yet it also means i probably have a view that i'm not subconsciously trying to beautify for myself to feel better.
Rant over
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Shiokest 2 days!
Haha this YOG lark does have its benefits! Organising all these meetings and reunions are juz so shiok!
Sat was mornin shift thank gawd. so can join Ben, Chang, Swee and WSA for badminton! and wearing that YOG shirt there juz made me a target for jokes ( hey YOG official! hey YOG athelete!) =.= bunch of bastards ;). haha but except WSA i can beat all of em! haha first time i was KING!!! table tennis and soccer is juz their domain, at least i finally found mine :) Then a meal at the round market and a walk to simei and chat :) happy! next target to beat WSA! my smash is now totally lousy... :( haix my racquet isn't the same after restringing! Nooo BLACK DRAGON!!! haha but its still good :)
Sun was hectic
Table tennis at VS at 9 was... FAIL
VS stairs not open in the first place and everyone came late... haix... oh well at least its another meet up!
Then while JC class havin outing... i unknowingly organised a PAE class outing! :P Martin did his usual thing which left me with Cheryl and Wan Zhen. GG lol, one guy and 2 gals. Kena arrow again! Geez, now i'm sec 2 boy... diaoz
haha but i'm the best again! haha gonna get big headed at this rate! my cuz's teaching me badminton juz owns! i think i improve a lot each time i play with him! though i kinda bore him a bit cos he's too good =/
ok damn random liao lol
Oh ya i only had 1 proper meal today T.T skip breakfast to meet up on time, skip lunch to meet them on time, so only had popeyes at 4 plus! geez... and i still ate very slow! haix, what happened to my appetite???
Sat was mornin shift thank gawd. so can join Ben, Chang, Swee and WSA for badminton! and wearing that YOG shirt there juz made me a target for jokes ( hey YOG official! hey YOG athelete!) =.= bunch of bastards ;). haha but except WSA i can beat all of em! haha first time i was KING!!! table tennis and soccer is juz their domain, at least i finally found mine :) Then a meal at the round market and a walk to simei and chat :) happy! next target to beat WSA! my smash is now totally lousy... :( haix my racquet isn't the same after restringing! Nooo BLACK DRAGON!!! haha but its still good :)
Sun was hectic
Table tennis at VS at 9 was... FAIL
VS stairs not open in the first place and everyone came late... haix... oh well at least its another meet up!
Then while JC class havin outing... i unknowingly organised a PAE class outing! :P Martin did his usual thing which left me with Cheryl and Wan Zhen. GG lol, one guy and 2 gals. Kena arrow again! Geez, now i'm sec 2 boy... diaoz
haha but i'm the best again! haha gonna get big headed at this rate! my cuz's teaching me badminton juz owns! i think i improve a lot each time i play with him! though i kinda bore him a bit cos he's too good =/
ok damn random liao lol
Oh ya i only had 1 proper meal today T.T skip breakfast to meet up on time, skip lunch to meet them on time, so only had popeyes at 4 plus! geez... and i still ate very slow! haix, what happened to my appetite???
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Finally a rant?
Jeez the lack of sleep this few days has caused me to almost snap today...
What's with these old fogeys walkin past and showing their leadership by asking us to do inane stuff when we have completed our tasks and juz wanna relax and do our own stuff? Haix... Jealous of our efficiency or something? Tsk tsk
Then insisting we must send ppl to collect stuff since they are on break. Erm isn't break = break?
When did it become Break Time= lets Break em by asking em to do inane and frankly redundant stuff Time? Lucky most of us are willing to cover each other. though i feel like such a heel for admittin that my friends were playin pooleven if its only to a fellow carpark guy and not a superior ( darn i wanna call em inferiors) then later trying to cover for them and say they were havin lunch! sleep deprived stupidity!!!
And those who juz are plain suck ups... _l_
if you dun wanna help, fine... dun rub it in! i can take it if its in a jokin way, not if its a humour-the-inferior way. Anw its my last few days seeing them...
juz realised that i'll probably lose all my YOG leave too! doubt they will be so nice as to ask my new unit to give me any offs for the weekends burned thanks to YOG.
At least the policemen are nice. regulars and reservist kids( ok adults) alike :) thnks to the sgt for helpin us get fans for our area, unlike the lip service we receive elsewhere >.>
OK rant over. wasn't that pissed to begin with anw, juz... frustrated with how grown men act like kids... As my leopard sgt says : you guys are F^*^ed Up! how can you lead your men liddat?
What's with these old fogeys walkin past and showing their leadership by asking us to do inane stuff when we have completed our tasks and juz wanna relax and do our own stuff? Haix... Jealous of our efficiency or something? Tsk tsk
Then insisting we must send ppl to collect stuff since they are on break. Erm isn't break = break?
When did it become Break Time= lets Break em by asking em to do inane and frankly redundant stuff Time? Lucky most of us are willing to cover each other. though i feel like such a heel for admittin that my friends were playin pooleven if its only to a fellow carpark guy and not a superior ( darn i wanna call em inferiors) then later trying to cover for them and say they were havin lunch! sleep deprived stupidity!!!
And those who juz are plain suck ups... _l_
if you dun wanna help, fine... dun rub it in! i can take it if its in a jokin way, not if its a humour-the-inferior way. Anw its my last few days seeing them...
juz realised that i'll probably lose all my YOG leave too! doubt they will be so nice as to ask my new unit to give me any offs for the weekends burned thanks to YOG.
At least the policemen are nice. regulars and reservist kids( ok adults) alike :) thnks to the sgt for helpin us get fans for our area, unlike the lip service we receive elsewhere >.>
OK rant over. wasn't that pissed to begin with anw, juz... frustrated with how grown men act like kids... As my leopard sgt says : you guys are F^*^ed Up! how can you lead your men liddat?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So far so hmm
With anticipation
Yet trepidation
I am here to serve the nation
To put me as a darn technician
What's it mean about my qualification?
Those long years of education
This is its culmination?
All those years of expensive tuition
I sigh at its ultimate fruition
As army serves to create friction
Using lingo with poor diction
How i wish these were just fiction
A figment of my imagination.
Geez i came up with this lump in 10 minutes? haha how bored and frustrated i was i guess doing carpark duty... Today was just a hmm... shock to the system? Entered the ops room a while and boom! OC walks past, looks at me and tells the seniors that they better dun owe me Off cos i got maintenance course on 30 Aug, revocated as technician... WTF?!?! hmm why din he tell me to my face anw zzz... I was juz erm stunned for i dunno how long before i started askin how izzit.
Verdict? very mixed. My fellow OOCs are jealous, my seniors say good luck, mand most imptly , my cuz says its not too good bar the free sgt rank. is this my reward for ranting about not getting sgt rank when i see ppl who don't deserve it getting it? i dunno. but it sux to have to start makin frens all over again >.< heck, its stay out, so how many friends/ and how much more spending?
oh well watchin united now so continue next time
YEA 3-0!!!
ok now with a better mood lo lolz
Anw carpark ops so far is kinda ok i guess. lots of time to do stuff with not many ppl monitoring you! Depending on the ppl with you, can do shifts so i could go to times and read mags for an hour plus! GUUS ah! Afternoon shift ain't too bad in terms of freedom. playing with the comms and tricking my friend to stay when he could leave... haha James :P guess i still have it! :) only drawback? ventilation is switched off at 7pm so till 11 is kinda stuffy and its 1400 to 2300
mornin shift is more strict i guess, big shots around= cannot fool with comms too but its from 0745 to 1530 or now changed to 0700 to 1500 but can secretly supsoup at 1400 :P
note: supsoup means short sharp and sweet, but can mean leaving, a curse, erm basically its the alternative to F^*& though i probably already used F^*^ a few times already so i dun see why i gotta censor it ;)
On further reflection, this revoc may not be too bad, i hope and stay out means i can follow united properly! oh well hope springs eternal i guess
As for frienDs life wise, its good i guess, all this free time juz made me miss em more; and more able to organise meetings :) Badminton this sat AND sun! first with the dinner club ppl and WSA
then with JC PAE ppl lawl. costs seem ridiculous though. 7.4 per hour? at schools? there better be nets!
Yet trepidation
I am here to serve the nation
To put me as a darn technician
What's it mean about my qualification?
Those long years of education
This is its culmination?
All those years of expensive tuition
I sigh at its ultimate fruition
As army serves to create friction
Using lingo with poor diction
How i wish these were just fiction
A figment of my imagination.
Geez i came up with this lump in 10 minutes? haha how bored and frustrated i was i guess doing carpark duty... Today was just a hmm... shock to the system? Entered the ops room a while and boom! OC walks past, looks at me and tells the seniors that they better dun owe me Off cos i got maintenance course on 30 Aug, revocated as technician... WTF?!?! hmm why din he tell me to my face anw zzz... I was juz erm stunned for i dunno how long before i started askin how izzit.
Verdict? very mixed. My fellow OOCs are jealous, my seniors say good luck, mand most imptly , my cuz says its not too good bar the free sgt rank. is this my reward for ranting about not getting sgt rank when i see ppl who don't deserve it getting it? i dunno. but it sux to have to start makin frens all over again >.< heck, its stay out, so how many friends/ and how much more spending?
oh well watchin united now so continue next time
YEA 3-0!!!
ok now with a better mood lo lolz
Anw carpark ops so far is kinda ok i guess. lots of time to do stuff with not many ppl monitoring you! Depending on the ppl with you, can do shifts so i could go to times and read mags for an hour plus! GUUS ah! Afternoon shift ain't too bad in terms of freedom. playing with the comms and tricking my friend to stay when he could leave... haha James :P guess i still have it! :) only drawback? ventilation is switched off at 7pm so till 11 is kinda stuffy and its 1400 to 2300
mornin shift is more strict i guess, big shots around= cannot fool with comms too but its from 0745 to 1530 or now changed to 0700 to 1500 but can secretly supsoup at 1400 :P
note: supsoup means short sharp and sweet, but can mean leaving, a curse, erm basically its the alternative to F^*& though i probably already used F^*^ a few times already so i dun see why i gotta censor it ;)
On further reflection, this revoc may not be too bad, i hope and stay out means i can follow united properly! oh well hope springs eternal i guess
As for frienDs life wise, its good i guess, all this free time juz made me miss em more; and more able to organise meetings :) Badminton this sat AND sun! first with the dinner club ppl and WSA
then with JC PAE ppl lawl. costs seem ridiculous though. 7.4 per hour? at schools? there better be nets!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
YOG ops so far...
Ok, so i guess i kinda overhyped it up for myself. cuz so far its been real slack and easy! though its darn confusing that i am first an ops rm personnel, then a lobby personnel and now a carpark exit dude. =.=lll
Uniforms have also been received. A garish purple tight fit shirt (thank gawd i'm thin) and chino's with a too large waist pouch that will just fit me at the thinnest configuration( maybe cos my waist size actually dropped to 26"?!?( no wonder i'm not a driver, no built in spare tyre :P)) as well as a cap. But the best part? A debit card that also doubles as an ez link card that offers free transport from 10 to 28 Aug! The food vouchers also dun hurt ;) Mac's (yeah!!!) and Koufu (Hmmm....) this is dran important considering how expensive the food around the ritz is! $5 for a wonton mee that tastes great admittedly but is of a puny serving. hiax how to gain weight liddat?
Oh well that's all i guess. hope i din speak too soon. ( I have an unhappy habit of always doing so anw!)
Side stuff:
My appetite is weird nowadays. I either can't finish my food or feel hungry after a meal... Darn it!
Uniforms have also been received. A garish purple tight fit shirt (thank gawd i'm thin) and chino's with a too large waist pouch that will just fit me at the thinnest configuration( maybe cos my waist size actually dropped to 26"?!?( no wonder i'm not a driver, no built in spare tyre :P)) as well as a cap. But the best part? A debit card that also doubles as an ez link card that offers free transport from 10 to 28 Aug! The food vouchers also dun hurt ;) Mac's (yeah!!!) and Koufu (Hmmm....) this is dran important considering how expensive the food around the ritz is! $5 for a wonton mee that tastes great admittedly but is of a puny serving. hiax how to gain weight liddat?
Oh well that's all i guess. hope i din speak too soon. ( I have an unhappy habit of always doing so anw!)
Side stuff:
My appetite is weird nowadays. I either can't finish my food or feel hungry after a meal... Darn it!
Monday, August 2, 2010
jumbled up
Hmm what an interesting week to say the least
On tues, had to go to kranji camp to help load 400++ ammo boxes onto a LARC!!! and some were filled to the brim with sand!! wts xia, thank gawd for the fact there were other guys to help!
" haiyo! so skinny also ask to come help us load ah?!?" LOL at this comment when i was strugggling to load a esp heavy box! and the scorpion that fell out of 1 of the boxes was kinda cool too! reminicise about pri sch days and all that bug catching
best of all, only half day used! so went to catch Inception(Finally!) with Michael. haha kinda funny when u think of 2 guys in smart 4 goin to catch a movie! it was great i guess though overrated in the fact it got 5 stars! more of a 4 i guess
fast forward to fri and both of us went to watch the YOG opening ceremony rehearsal. kinda weird that i got so many 2 guy outings... hiax boys school and a warm up period in jc does that to you...
OK main points: NO GOODIE BAG OR FIREWORKS!!! kinda means no point goin lol. screens which showed blah blah blah video should be playing juz made it 0.o and the atmosphere was flat too lol. pity the emcees. and if the actual is like this? Confrim singapore's 1 and only yog lol
Sat was interesting i guess. Planning a meeting to visit my jc math tutor kinda failed. 1st she wasn't around, then ppl i contacted mostly couldn't turn up!!! haha in the end only me and my PAE classmate met! even so i really enjoyed it ,though felt kinda bad cos i kinda made a promise long ago to ask her along to visit our tuition teacher! Dinner at mos burger whereby i ate less than her! (she finished my fries lol) then a random stroll round all the malls kinda was it. haha can't believe we chatted for so long lol. kinda rare that i will talk so much, though it was mostly NS stuff :P
Sun was almost the same. met her again this time with Darrell. And as usual with ganzik, can't get a word in edgewise! haha he's NS stories and info are so diff to mine! I kinda wonder how she felt cos we were almost always talkin bout ns! i rmb i was interested, then couldn't stand it when my seniors kept doin that last year during our regular outings!!! speaking of which i gotta find time to meet up with em again! our dinner club is goin from weekly to fortnightly to monthly and now randomly but rare events :( But all in all a pleasant meet up. gonna plan a proper one after this YOG thing. gotta get noel along too, then we can really attack ganzik like old times! hehe
now is the jumbled stuff:
Anime or comics i'll complete before ns ends:
Prince of tennis (done)
Inuyahsa(halfway)
Dragonball (kai, Z and original)
My emotions seem more easily swayed now too. watchin A Walk to Remember almost brought a tear to my eye. certain scenes in Inuyasha can make me feel sad. hmm is this maturity? or lack of sleep and that darn chalazion in my eye? hehe juz had to put that chim word in!
And YOG ops starts today!!! OMG OMG OMG better sleep liao lol
hope its slack and not tiring! but m resigned to my weekends being burned which mean s no meetings with frens for a while! :( Argh not to mention a birthday that will prob be busy and unable to celebrate with anyone. Ah well
On tues, had to go to kranji camp to help load 400++ ammo boxes onto a LARC!!! and some were filled to the brim with sand!! wts xia, thank gawd for the fact there were other guys to help!
" haiyo! so skinny also ask to come help us load ah?!?" LOL at this comment when i was strugggling to load a esp heavy box! and the scorpion that fell out of 1 of the boxes was kinda cool too! reminicise about pri sch days and all that bug catching
best of all, only half day used! so went to catch Inception(Finally!) with Michael. haha kinda funny when u think of 2 guys in smart 4 goin to catch a movie! it was great i guess though overrated in the fact it got 5 stars! more of a 4 i guess
fast forward to fri and both of us went to watch the YOG opening ceremony rehearsal. kinda weird that i got so many 2 guy outings... hiax boys school and a warm up period in jc does that to you...
OK main points: NO GOODIE BAG OR FIREWORKS!!! kinda means no point goin lol. screens which showed blah blah blah video should be playing juz made it 0.o and the atmosphere was flat too lol. pity the emcees. and if the actual is like this? Confrim singapore's 1 and only yog lol
Sat was interesting i guess. Planning a meeting to visit my jc math tutor kinda failed. 1st she wasn't around, then ppl i contacted mostly couldn't turn up!!! haha in the end only me and my PAE classmate met! even so i really enjoyed it ,though felt kinda bad cos i kinda made a promise long ago to ask her along to visit our tuition teacher! Dinner at mos burger whereby i ate less than her! (she finished my fries lol) then a random stroll round all the malls kinda was it. haha can't believe we chatted for so long lol. kinda rare that i will talk so much, though it was mostly NS stuff :P
Sun was almost the same. met her again this time with Darrell. And as usual with ganzik, can't get a word in edgewise! haha he's NS stories and info are so diff to mine! I kinda wonder how she felt cos we were almost always talkin bout ns! i rmb i was interested, then couldn't stand it when my seniors kept doin that last year during our regular outings!!! speaking of which i gotta find time to meet up with em again! our dinner club is goin from weekly to fortnightly to monthly and now randomly but rare events :( But all in all a pleasant meet up. gonna plan a proper one after this YOG thing. gotta get noel along too, then we can really attack ganzik like old times! hehe
now is the jumbled stuff:
Anime or comics i'll complete before ns ends:
Prince of tennis (done)
Inuyahsa(halfway)
Dragonball (kai, Z and original)
My emotions seem more easily swayed now too. watchin A Walk to Remember almost brought a tear to my eye. certain scenes in Inuyasha can make me feel sad. hmm is this maturity? or lack of sleep and that darn chalazion in my eye? hehe juz had to put that chim word in!
And YOG ops starts today!!! OMG OMG OMG better sleep liao lol
hope its slack and not tiring! but m resigned to my weekends being burned which mean s no meetings with frens for a while! :( Argh not to mention a birthday that will prob be busy and unable to celebrate with anyone. Ah well
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Whew 1 loooong recap
Ahh the last time i blogged was 0.o
Anw lots have happened and some stuff are juz crap to share about face to face
BMT was the brill!!! Lemme see, marksman, threw grenades, achieved my pull up target of 15 (could have done more but for FI asking me to stop :( ) and met real good friends, though only am really only in contact with a few now.... LEOPARD FTW
Jiro one one JIro, we are the second last!!! :P
Haha to think i was not allowed to shoot or throw grenades cuz i excused loud noise!!! RMb how emo i was when i was asked to go one side and scolded for goin to range T.T then said i can shoot, then cannot, then can... roller coaster lah deh.... lucky in the end it was an OK!!! shiokness ah
then the letdown...
after all the assurances and belief by my friends i would be in sispec... i got in
Driver 3tpt bn
erm WTF!!?!?!??!?!?!
then i realised it would be a LARC V driver AKA Duck Tours T.Tllll
next, driving course= 11 confinements due to the sat bookouts! my goodness, barely had the energy to meet my frens ARGHHHHHHH
haha but there were many positives lah. meeting a guy who totally pwns my random rhymes was cool! 2 of us like bleddy idiots rhyming all we say in a conversation while still making sense... well some sense... FUN!!! haha
Varun Varman from afganistan,
who loves to eat rambutan,
has a crush on unknown Tan,
soon to be a rifleman,
with a sar 21
... yeah u get the picture
VS
Jun Qi Han
from pakistan LOLOLOLOLOOL
Nad meeting a great instructor, Lim TH or thiong hoe if i'm right
lol calling me uncle han cos of my random mistakes like not swtchin on master switch, removin wheeel choke, headlights etc :P
haha askin me to overtake while doin night driving was COOL!!! 2 cars in a row juz got owned lol hehe
then of course there had to be the inevitable letdown... too many times in the past few years... i OOCed... due to failing driving test 8 times... though this news was greeted with incredulous looks from my various DFT instructors. they saw me drive for 5 minutes nad literally said how the fuck u fail xia han
LOL!!! almost all said the same thing! haha Sharil gave me my fav compliment: You drive as good as or better than a trainer... haix how u fail lah you
how i fail? simple
FUCK YOU RECKLESS DRIVERS AND LEE KIAM SAI!!!!
ok rant over
ps i self owned once, nvr on headlight...W T F
seriouly, i was not meant to pass lah... how manyb times i kena suayness!!! 2 times pedestrains juz dasj across leh, i e barke 2 times, tester say good then car wanna cut in... daioz
asiya think only i pissed off liao but at least i made new friends who are cool! honestly, us jc ppl are real boring compared to these so called lesser educated ppl
So... OOC eh waht now?
Hmm how about back to hq attached for YOG?
But after a 4 day day off which meant... WORLD CUP!!!! hehehe
watchin ALL knockout round matches was crazy shit man, soccer fever TTM!!! anw....back to HQ
the first day was argh!!! ok guys sit in the conference room till 5.. O.....Kaaayyyyy
WTF man, totally makes u feel useless lah
then after a few days... hey who got GP A? i stupidly admitted it and BOOM! RSM PA till YOG over =.=lll
and what did i do? hmm spellchecker and grammar inspector as well as occasional email composer... how about F7?!?!?! nvm, at least i do something! so not much complaints to be honest
and now, i regret... Han plan the YOG safety balh balh blah, go for YOG meetin on blah blah blah bsuy busy busy
BUT i'm doin something important for a once in a lifetime event!!! so hey! kinda cool once you get past the lots of work bit.
of course, the caveat is that i am confrim revocated... so... hope my excuse loud noise ensures i go in a salck voc... especially as it was the probable reason for me not goin sispec!!! pray time!!!
hmm yeah and that brings me back to present,
lots more i can say,
but i'm to layzay,
so hey,
i'll do it some other day!!! :P
and its been a surreal week i'll say, lots of unexpected reunions possibly comin up with various great friends from diffenrent points in my life!!! Lifes lookin up!!! :)
Anw lots have happened and some stuff are juz crap to share about face to face
BMT was the brill!!! Lemme see, marksman, threw grenades, achieved my pull up target of 15 (could have done more but for FI asking me to stop :( ) and met real good friends, though only am really only in contact with a few now.... LEOPARD FTW
Jiro one one JIro, we are the second last!!! :P
Haha to think i was not allowed to shoot or throw grenades cuz i excused loud noise!!! RMb how emo i was when i was asked to go one side and scolded for goin to range T.T then said i can shoot, then cannot, then can... roller coaster lah deh.... lucky in the end it was an OK!!! shiokness ah
then the letdown...
after all the assurances and belief by my friends i would be in sispec... i got in
Driver 3tpt bn
erm WTF!!?!?!??!?!?!
then i realised it would be a LARC V driver AKA Duck Tours T.Tllll
next, driving course= 11 confinements due to the sat bookouts! my goodness, barely had the energy to meet my frens ARGHHHHHHH
haha but there were many positives lah. meeting a guy who totally pwns my random rhymes was cool! 2 of us like bleddy idiots rhyming all we say in a conversation while still making sense... well some sense... FUN!!! haha
Varun Varman from afganistan,
who loves to eat rambutan,
has a crush on unknown Tan,
soon to be a rifleman,
with a sar 21
... yeah u get the picture
VS
Jun Qi Han
from pakistan LOLOLOLOLOOL
Nad meeting a great instructor, Lim TH or thiong hoe if i'm right
lol calling me uncle han cos of my random mistakes like not swtchin on master switch, removin wheeel choke, headlights etc :P
haha askin me to overtake while doin night driving was COOL!!! 2 cars in a row juz got owned lol hehe
then of course there had to be the inevitable letdown... too many times in the past few years... i OOCed... due to failing driving test 8 times... though this news was greeted with incredulous looks from my various DFT instructors. they saw me drive for 5 minutes nad literally said how the fuck u fail xia han
LOL!!! almost all said the same thing! haha Sharil gave me my fav compliment: You drive as good as or better than a trainer... haix how u fail lah you
how i fail? simple
FUCK YOU RECKLESS DRIVERS AND LEE KIAM SAI!!!!
ok rant over
ps i self owned once, nvr on headlight...W T F
seriouly, i was not meant to pass lah... how manyb times i kena suayness!!! 2 times pedestrains juz dasj across leh, i e barke 2 times, tester say good then car wanna cut in... daioz
asiya think only i pissed off liao but at least i made new friends who are cool! honestly, us jc ppl are real boring compared to these so called lesser educated ppl
So... OOC eh waht now?
Hmm how about back to hq attached for YOG?
But after a 4 day day off which meant... WORLD CUP!!!! hehehe
watchin ALL knockout round matches was crazy shit man, soccer fever TTM!!! anw....back to HQ
the first day was argh!!! ok guys sit in the conference room till 5.. O.....Kaaayyyyy
WTF man, totally makes u feel useless lah
then after a few days... hey who got GP A? i stupidly admitted it and BOOM! RSM PA till YOG over =.=lll
and what did i do? hmm spellchecker and grammar inspector as well as occasional email composer... how about F7?!?!?! nvm, at least i do something! so not much complaints to be honest
and now, i regret... Han plan the YOG safety balh balh blah, go for YOG meetin on blah blah blah bsuy busy busy
BUT i'm doin something important for a once in a lifetime event!!! so hey! kinda cool once you get past the lots of work bit.
of course, the caveat is that i am confrim revocated... so... hope my excuse loud noise ensures i go in a salck voc... especially as it was the probable reason for me not goin sispec!!! pray time!!!
hmm yeah and that brings me back to present,
lots more i can say,
but i'm to layzay,
so hey,
i'll do it some other day!!! :P
and its been a surreal week i'll say, lots of unexpected reunions possibly comin up with various great friends from diffenrent points in my life!!! Lifes lookin up!!! :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
NS fear
This fear
So queer
Now get me outta here
So near
My dear
Please whisper in my ear
Nothing to fear
As long as i am here
So please don't shed nary a tear
So queer
Now get me outta here
So near
My dear
Please whisper in my ear
Nothing to fear
As long as i am here
So please don't shed nary a tear
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